Only last week I was restructured for the third time in my career in communications. The first time a new CEO met with all employees and asked if they had time in their jobs to squeeze in new projects. I naively embraced that and replied that I did. Next, I was downsized. After buying a cake and telling my kids when they got home from school that we were celebrating new beginnings, I vowed never to make that mistake again!
The next time, it was easier to not feel personally responsible as 210 employees across the organization were “restructured” at the same time. What was very hurtful though, was that except for one person who reached out to me, none of my colleagues contacted me to say they were sorry it was me. It’s one thing to be downsized, but a very different thing to be dumped by the people you’ve spent seven years alongside at work!
Most recently, I suppose I saw the writing on the wall but didn’t want to see it. After having been told only a few months ago when two colleagues were let go, that I was part of the team management wanted to move forward with it was still shocking. I suppose I’m guilty of expecting integrity where it doesn’t exist and honesty where propaganda is promoted. This time, though, many colleagues sent me messages of hope, empathy and acknowledgement that provided healing.
So, here I am, only weeks until Christmas, unemployed but thankful for a severance package. Sure, I’m angry, hurt, and feeling foolish for trusting. I’ve been remembering times I went above and beyond, countless hours of dedication, even going out of my way to be support to a manager who marginalized me at every turn. I’ve replayed in my mind situations that made me uncomfortable. Yes, I have resentment. But can I really regret how I worked and the things I did that were above and beyond? No. Regardless of who I report to, I have a set of expectations about myself and I am proud that I stayed true to them.
In the recent few weeks I had been asking the angels to help me. I believe they worked to rescue me from a negative work environment that was causing me to compromise the way I feel about the work I do and the level of dedication I put forth.
I want to free myself of the negativity, resentment and anger I feel. I do not want these emotions to become a permanent part of me. I’m working to let go and to forgive myself and others so I can release the burden of negative feelings and allow myself to fly free. I’m thankful for past opportunities and I’m thankful for the new opportunities that will be presented to me and I’m hoping I’ll recognize the doors that are opening as previous ones close.
Looking back, I think in all these three situations, the angels have been there for me, knowing what’s best. I’ve learned from each job, gained new skills and made valuable friendships. I have to trust that I’ll find a job soon where my skills and approach will be valued, where I’ll continue to learn and I’ll be happier. I hope it comes soon and I’m trying my hardest to be patient and trust that I’m in good hands!