Tag Archives: looking forward

Looking forward when today feels too hard

Many times, I just need something to look forward to – a promise that there will be a better day, a happier, less-stressed day.

When my kids are feeling pain, and struggling, I don’t know how to not allow it to affect me. Even if I could turn off my concern, I wouldn’t. It’s how I’m wired; it’s how I love. Whether it is unemployment, break-ups, mental health struggles, health or university pressures, there’s so much coming at them. I’d love to tell them it gets easier, that things get better when you’re older. But that’s not been my experience. Life is hard. What I try to emphasize is having something to look forward to – whether it’s a goal or a vacation, starting something new, fun with friends or just a movie coming out they’ve been looking forward to.

For me, there’s a Bahamas trip in April and a family week at a rental cottage the end of June. I go there in my imagination sometimes and when things are particularly challenging I can at least look forward to those times.

My mom used to say, “This too shall pass.” And there is comfort in those words. There is the promise that troubles don’t last forever but there’s also the reality within those words that good times too will pass.

I’ve seen life plans, hopes, dreams, a future, simply erased by one person’s decision – and all of it replaced by a broken heart.  I can only hope that broken heart – will also not last forever and will one day heal to love again.

Some dreams die, but I look forward to new ones taking their place.

Some days seem like they’ll never end, and some days I wish wouldn’t.

While experiencing pain, struggle, loss, heart-break it feels like an eternity.

While recently celebrating our 28th anniversary, my husband and I returned to the location of our wedding reception for dinner. It was all too apparent how quickly those 28 years passed.  I feel a bit like that scene in Hook where Peter comes back and when Wendy turns to him she is old, “I’m ever so much more than 20, Peter,” she says.

I can’t think too much about how fast the time has gone, or how quickly it seems I’ve grown closer to the age of 50. On the inside I don’t feel my age. On the other hand, I feel I’ve earned the grey hairs and if I could go back, I don’t think I would.

I know I can’t hang onto yesterday, anymore than I can make today’s hurts speed away. But having something to look forward to helps me focus on the promise of a better tomorrow.

Corfu
Sunrise Corfu Greece

When one door closes…

Only last week I was restructured for the third time in my career in communications. The first time a new CEO met with all employees and asked if they had time in their jobs to squeeze in new projects. I naively embraced that and replied that I did. Next, I was downsized. After buying a cake and telling my kids when they got home from school that we were celebrating new beginnings, I vowed never to make that mistake again!

The next time, it was easier to not feel personally responsible as 210 employees across the organization were “restructured” at the same time.  What was very hurtful though, was that except for one person who reached out to me, none of my colleagues contacted me to say they were sorry it was me. It’s one thing to be downsized, but a very different thing to be dumped by the people you’ve spent seven years alongside at work!

Most recently, I suppose I saw the writing on the wall but didn’t want to see it. After having been told only a few months ago when two colleagues were let go, that I was part of the team management wanted to move forward with it was still shocking. I suppose I’m guilty of expecting integrity where it doesn’t exist and honesty where propaganda is promoted. This time, though, many colleagues sent me messages of hope, empathy and acknowledgement that provided healing.

So, here I am, only weeks until Christmas, unemployed but thankful for a severance package.  Sure, I’m angry, hurt, and feeling foolish for trusting. I’ve been remembering times I went above and beyond, countless hours of dedication, even going out of my way to be support to a manager who marginalized me at every turn. I’ve replayed in my mind situations that made me uncomfortable.  Yes, I have resentment. But can I really regret how I worked and the things I did that were above and beyond? No. Regardless of who I report to, I have a set of expectations about myself and I am proud that I stayed true to them.

In the recent few weeks I had been asking the angels to help me. I believe they worked to rescue me from a negative work environment that was causing me to compromise the way I feel about the work I do and the level of dedication I put forth.

I want to free myself of the negativity, resentment and anger I feel. I do not want these emotions to become a permanent part of me. I’m working to let go and to forgive myself and others so I can release the burden of negative feelings and allow myself to fly free.  I’m thankful for past opportunities and I’m thankful for the new opportunities that will be presented to me and I’m hoping I’ll recognize the doors that are opening as previous ones close.

Looking back, I think in all these three situations, the angels have been there for me, knowing what’s best. I’ve learned from each job, gained new skills and made valuable friendships. I have to trust that I’ll find a job soon where my skills and approach will be valued, where I’ll continue to learn and I’ll be happier. I hope it comes soon and I’m trying my hardest to be patient and trust that I’m in good hands!