Tag Archives: angels

Seeking comfort through connection

Some of the things I value most, I recently realized, are things that bring me comfort.

white teddy bear
much loved white bear

I still have my white teddy bear who’s “fur” has been worn off in many areas and has been sewn back together at the seams more than once. His eyes have lost their shine but he’s still mine! I feel angels around me and their presence comforts me. I’ve sought comfort in books, movies, the viewpoints of people like Dr. Wayne Dyer and others. I’ve found comfort in the assurances of psychics that my loved ones are still with me. I enjoy certain photos because they stir up memories that bring me comfort. And I work to retain memories from years ago that I hold onto dearly because that comforts me too.

I remember looking out through the bars of my crib and seeing my sister sitting on the floor in darkness. She sang in a comforting voice to help me get to sleep. I remember my other sister concocting an elaborate portrayal of an Indian that visited me and my desire to keep pretending I thought it was real so I wouldn’t lose the comfort of the experience.

It seems so much of my life, my decisions, and what I value most are about seeking comfort. But I wonder why I seem so wired to seek comfort. Perhaps it’s the me from my childhood seeking refuge from the chaos or perhaps the me who often feels the ache of loneliness.

This week I bumped into my cousin whom I haven’t seen in many years. It was such a strange coincidence to meet him in a store we had both taken our mothers to, in a city that neither of us lives in. And as it turned out we had parked right beside each other. I can’t help but wonder if there was more at work than coincidence to bring us together that day.

My heart sang and my soul was fed to see my aunt for the first time in decades and to have an authentic sincere conversation with my cousin. Typically, in the past, as the youngest in my family I often felt dismissed by the cousins who were closer in age to my siblings. How nice it was to meet with him on an adult level, to feel respected and valued. And yes, I felt comfort in that connection.

Woman standing in doorway
Viola Hickey, the grandmother we never knew

While we didn’t see much of each other through childhood, there’s a bond in knowing our fathers were brothers, we shared grandparents we either didn’t meet nor had little contact with, and great-grandparents and other members of our family tree we never knew as well.  A shared but separate experience, a bond that feels familiar and comforting even though years or decades pass between visits, and yet a comfortable familiarity and yes love that extends beyond the passing of time.

Perhaps my drive to seek comfort is also about seeking connection. It is feeling connected to angels that provides comfort, it’s the way photos, movies and books connect me to memories, experiences and perhaps even strangers. It’s the connection to relatives, to our common threads of history, heritage and the people we’ve loved that also brings comfort.

I suppose this insight reveals the dark side of seeking connection. In an extreme sense perhaps that’s how gangs or mobs form. Perhaps that desire to belong, to connect, to be part of something is the lure that opens the door in extreme circumstances to ugliness. Perhaps if we concentrated a bit more on providing that feeling of connection and comfort to our children and those we love they won’t be left looking for it among those who manipulate. As much as I seek comfort and connection, I’m confident that I’m pretty good at providing it too. My children know I love them and that is probably the one thing that provides me the greatest comfort.

I’m so thankful to the angels, to spirit, to God, to whatever wonderful contributor connected our paths and connected me with my cousin this week. May I continue to be grateful for connections and open my heart to the coincidences that bring joy.

Giving My Worries Away

Today, when meditating, a vision came into my head. I saw my hands extended in front of me. Placed in my upturned palms was a package wrapped neatly in a handkerchief. The handkerchief was white with a pretty pattern on it and the ends were tied up to form a pouch. Then I noticed there were shiny strings like fishing line tied to the package. As I looked up it was as if they connected to a hot air balloon. I knew immediately what I must do and I knew that package contained all my worries. I closed my eyes, drew in a long peaceful breath, raised my hands above my head and released the package and watched as it floated upwards.

Somehow I could breathe easier, I felt lighter and more free. I suppose I just released my worries to God and gave myself permission to be joyful.

I’ve heard Doreen Virtue speak and she says the angels want to help you; they are just waiting for your permission or your request. I’ve always felt the presence of angels with me. Even as a child the idea of having a Guardian Angel gave me much comfort.  I pray and I speak to angels.  Just as they say it takes a community to raise a child, I believe as adults there are resources helping us and we have only to ask.

I experience the evidence of asking the angels, God and the Holy Spirit to be with me and my children, to help guide us to that which we need most.  In the past I’ve tended to dismiss emails and Facebook posts or unsolicited advice but I’ve begun to view it differently. I’m following up on leads for employment opportunities, I’m listening to the words and advice of those whose intentions come from love and I’m witnessing the angels work. I feel blessed and grateful.  I don’t think I ever noticed the abundance of gifts that surround me every day. The gifts that come from friends who encourage, former colleagues who acknowledge my value, wisdom from my children and just the faith, hope and love that is all around me, just waiting for me to access.

This is not to say that life isn’t still providing struggles, it is. I feel helpless, at times, not knowing what to do to help my kids in their struggles too. Stress is never far from our family it seems. But maybe it’s there to help me see the grace that also exists, the strength of survival and the honour of living it.

Today I feel peace and love and I extend it outward.

 

 

When one door closes…

Only last week I was restructured for the third time in my career in communications. The first time a new CEO met with all employees and asked if they had time in their jobs to squeeze in new projects. I naively embraced that and replied that I did. Next, I was downsized. After buying a cake and telling my kids when they got home from school that we were celebrating new beginnings, I vowed never to make that mistake again!

The next time, it was easier to not feel personally responsible as 210 employees across the organization were “restructured” at the same time.  What was very hurtful though, was that except for one person who reached out to me, none of my colleagues contacted me to say they were sorry it was me. It’s one thing to be downsized, but a very different thing to be dumped by the people you’ve spent seven years alongside at work!

Most recently, I suppose I saw the writing on the wall but didn’t want to see it. After having been told only a few months ago when two colleagues were let go, that I was part of the team management wanted to move forward with it was still shocking. I suppose I’m guilty of expecting integrity where it doesn’t exist and honesty where propaganda is promoted. This time, though, many colleagues sent me messages of hope, empathy and acknowledgement that provided healing.

So, here I am, only weeks until Christmas, unemployed but thankful for a severance package.  Sure, I’m angry, hurt, and feeling foolish for trusting. I’ve been remembering times I went above and beyond, countless hours of dedication, even going out of my way to be support to a manager who marginalized me at every turn. I’ve replayed in my mind situations that made me uncomfortable.  Yes, I have resentment. But can I really regret how I worked and the things I did that were above and beyond? No. Regardless of who I report to, I have a set of expectations about myself and I am proud that I stayed true to them.

In the recent few weeks I had been asking the angels to help me. I believe they worked to rescue me from a negative work environment that was causing me to compromise the way I feel about the work I do and the level of dedication I put forth.

I want to free myself of the negativity, resentment and anger I feel. I do not want these emotions to become a permanent part of me. I’m working to let go and to forgive myself and others so I can release the burden of negative feelings and allow myself to fly free.  I’m thankful for past opportunities and I’m thankful for the new opportunities that will be presented to me and I’m hoping I’ll recognize the doors that are opening as previous ones close.

Looking back, I think in all these three situations, the angels have been there for me, knowing what’s best. I’ve learned from each job, gained new skills and made valuable friendships. I have to trust that I’ll find a job soon where my skills and approach will be valued, where I’ll continue to learn and I’ll be happier. I hope it comes soon and I’m trying my hardest to be patient and trust that I’m in good hands!