They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. They say you’ll find the strength when you need it. They don’t seem to say, life is damn hard.
Sometimes it seems it’s about surviving, enduring, navigating. Challenges are always rising up to put giant roadblocks in my path. While celebrating one thing, another challenge or sorrow creeps up. What do I tell my kids? I won’t lie and pretend life is a bowl of cherries without acknowledging the pits. It’s tough! It is years of struggles. It is feeling like you have no more to give. How many times have I said, I just can’t take this anymore but in the saying of it – knowing I can.
Amongst the knots of frustration, challenge, struggle, loss is woven a golden thread though. Sometimes I lose sight of it when I’m navigating the knots, but it’s there. For me that golden tread is the exchange of love, understanding, perseverance, and even joy.
Seeing loved ones in pain, experiencing anguish, having patience tested, witnessing others with no tolerance or patience at all, trying to positively influence the happiness of those I love – sometimes it seems like too much. But is it?
I need to wake up, pull myself up, stand tall and realize it is all perfect. It’s life. I’m living. It’s a privilege not a burden. The knots sometimes become represented physically in my stomach, in the tense muscles of my shoulders and neck, sometimes they are knots in my ability to think objectively and not emotionally. Somehow, to accept the knots and work through their untangling with some amount of optimism and self-protection, perhaps even grace – perhaps that’s the point, the goal, the way to moving beyond the struggles.
I hope I’ll never give up on hope, on believing for that is part of the golden thread in my life. When it seems others have no faith, when their negativity spills out I try to have enough faith for all of us. I won’t give up, I will believe in possibilities. I’ll pray. I’ll nurture. I’ll continue. I’ll ask the angels for their help and I’ll believe that miracles are possible.
And when it comes to my children and their struggles, I’ll believe that they can catch a glimpse of the golden thread, that they will overcome and I will hope for their ability to rise above. I will try to remember that it is my honour to walk along beside them in their journeys. It is my perfect privilege to be their mother.